With the weight of a main battle-tank and the fuel capacity of a mid-size sedan, the Bastard strode into the wasteland with theatric aplomb. However you chose to describe her – stout, thick, big-boned – there was no denying the VF1000R was one seriously heavy motorcycle. Far too heavy for the track, which is ironically the exact use for which she was bred for. Drop out axles, dual spot headlights, and carbon fiber fairings all proclaimed Bold’Or. Unfortunately the steel perimeter frame, dense motor, and modular wheels all said buffet line.

Her V-4 could produce enough power to get her both into and out of trouble. When fitted with a knobbed mixture of Conti and Bridgestone adventure meats, both improved and unimproved roads were within her range of operations. She was the modern Goose, or at least as modern as 1986 technology could produce.